


Rethadahl - Tree of Safety

by RenaLanfordGirl (LadyArrowhead)



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-22
Updated: 2012-11-22
Packaged: 2017-11-19 07:05:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/570548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyArrowhead/pseuds/RenaLanfordGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Hawke falls into a coma after the battle with the Arishok, her friends fall into a dark state of worry and grief. Especially Merrill, seeing her dearest friend Isabela suffering, too, takes it hard. However, when all hope seems lost, a young man appears only Merrill can see – Carver Hawke, the Champion’s dead brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my contribution to the Dragon Age Big Band 2012 Wave One

Marian Hawke dodged the attack of the Arishok and cursed loudly. She was losing. Merrill bit her bottom lip and grabbed her staff more tightly. If Aveline hadn’t grabbed her by the shoulder she would have run over and tried to help her friend. She saw Aveline trying to get a hold of her, whispering that it would be alright, that Hawke had always found a way and would also find a way this time. But how could Merrill believe it?

The screams of her friend made her knees shake. Just right now the Arishok had grabbed Hawke by her neck and thrown her to the floor. The Qunari don’t strangle their opponents. They killed them with blades. And that was exactly what he was about to do.

“Let me at him! JUST LET ME AT HIM!”  
Merrill turned around to see Isabela trying to free herself from Fenris’ arms. They all had witnessed the growing affection between her and Hawke, the seductive glances they were giving each other or how the two of them came later than usual to their meetings at the Hanged Man with their hair messed up. “She isn’t going to make it! I have to help her!”

“If you stepped in right now you would end the duel and this would make the other Qunari join the battle. And since **Anders** ”, Fenris’ voice was as deep and calm as ever but got even more bitter when he was referring to the healer, “isn’t here this would ultimately result in her death. You don’t want that, do you?” They had decided to leave Anders at the clinic because his help would be more needed in the city than with them. But right now, seeing Hawke wounded, they wished they had allowed him to come with them instead. 

“Balls!”, cursed the lady pirate when Hawke caught another glancing blow from her opponent. Marian had become slower throughout the battle and had genuine problems dodging the Arishok’s attacks now. Blood ran down her cheek from a laceration on her head. She was holding her sword only with one of her hands, the other arm having broken from one of the brutal blows landed on it. Hawke tried to get up but sank down again on the cold floor of the hall. 

“Can’t we…try to cheer for her? Won’t that help? Is there really nothing we can do besides standing here and watching?” Merrill’s voice was cracking, losing its lightness as Hawke tried to raise her sword again. Merrill glanced at Fenris who was clenching his fists but didn’t answer. She looked at Isabela who couldn’t take her eyes of Hawke and bit her lip, standing as stiff as a statue. She still felt Aveline’s hand on her shoulder; the guard captain slowly shook her head. **There was nothing they could do.**

Just then she felt a strange scent in the air. The hall had smelled like blood and sweat before but now Merrill felt the taste of Lyrium on her lips even though she hadn’t used a mana potion. The scent she was sensing now was the scent of rain, fresh hay and earth. It smelled very much like Ferelden which was confusing to her especially because they were in Kirkwall right now. “Why?”, she whispered, breathing in again in order to asssure herself that this was not just an illusion. It wasn’t. The taste of Lyrium had gotten stronger and the scent was now so recognizable that she had the feeling they where home again and this was only a dream. 

“That’s what I am asking myself all along. Why can’t they just take their stupid relic and leave? I gave it back to them!” Isabela spat on the floor, her eyes full of anger.  
“That’s not what I meant…I mean this strange smell.”

Marian had gotten to her feet again, although she had to steady herself on one of the columns. She was screaming something at the Arishok but they were not able to hear it. Her blue eyes seemed so desperate suddenly, yet she didn’t back off. She pointed her sword at the Arishok, unmistakably showing that she still wanted to fight. Hawke never gave up, even now when it all seemed hopeless.

“Stop making jokes, blood mage”, growled Fenris at her. Didn’t they recognize it? Well, it was inappropriate to ask Fenris if he tasted Lyrium on his lips. Merrill decided to be quiet and looked back to Marian when she suddenly saw it or, to be precise, when she saw him.

Because she was standing so far away she couldn’t recognize his face. It was a young man who slowly walked over to Marian and put a hand on her arm. He was a bit taller than her and seemed to direct her movements. What surprised her most was how Hawke suddenly pushed herself away from the column and stood, with him stabilizing her.  
“She’s standing on her own! I thought she couldn’t do that anymore…” whispered Aveline beside her. But Hawke wasn’t standing on her own, this man was holding her. Now she was charging forward, the man managing to keep Hawke on her feet and with a shout - it gave Merrill goose bumps because it was a scream so loud, so filled with emotion - she rammed her sword into the chest of the Arishok.

The Qunari was staring at Hawke, the room suddenly went completely silent. Hawke and the stranger drew the blade out of their opponent. When the Arishok fell down and died the man behind Marian vanished. And with that Hawke collapsed as well.

The silence that had occupied the room was becoming thicker. No one dared to move, all of them just gazed at the Qunari and the young woman with black hair on the floor. It was Isabela of all people who reacted first. “Why are you just fucking staring at her? We have to get her to Anders, now!”  
With that the lady pirate ran over to Hawke, followed by Fenris and Aveline. Merrill remained among the nobles for a little while, her eyes fixed at the place where the man had just stood. She blinked…had she just imagined that? In the end it didn’t matter. She had to help Hawke now…it looked like she needed her more.

-

It was cold in the Hawke Estate even though Bodahn was taking care that the fire didn’t go out. Merrill huddled into a blanket he had brought for her and looked around the living room of the Estate. All of them had come after they heard what happened to Marian. There were Varric and Aveline who were sitting next to her, both of them rather more subdued than usual. Aveline was talking about the battle to the dwarf who was just keeping his mouth shut and taking some notes. Isabela was sitting on her other side, but she didn’t pay attention to anything that was happening around her. It was the door to Hawke’s room that had caught the pirate’s eye.

“We have to tell Bethany about this. She deserves to know”, explained Fenris to the crowd while he was leaning against the wall. The elf had crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked like he was about to destroy something. 

“Lady Hawke’s sister?”, asked Sebastian who was sitting on the stairs. He had kept praying for Hawke, and seemed like he wanted to continue doing so later on. “Isn’t she in the Circle?”

“Speaking of mages…hasn’t Blondie finished treating Hawke finally? Or is it really that bad?”

Aveline let out a desperate sigh. Merrill could see how exhausted she was, but this was only natural since it was her who carried Hawke all around Kirkwall until they had found Anders.

The only thing they could do now was to wait and every single one of them just hated it.

“Half of the blood on my armour is hers, Varric. Give him some time, he needs it.”  
Was it alright to talk about the ghostlike figure she had seen hours ago? She doubted that and just kept quiet.

With a loud creak the door to Hawke’s room was opened. Anders walked over to the railing. He had removed the hair tie, sweat was running down his face. His brown eyes hadn’t lost their shine but it seemed like the little light in them had become even smaller.   
“I’ve finished treating her visible wounds,” he explained in a weak voice. Anders tried to clear his throat but apparently wasn’t satisfied with that, so he grabbed a glass of water and drank.

“That sounds wonderful!”, said Merrill and slowly got up. She relaxed a bit and a smile appeared on her face. “Then let us go and talk to her. She will be so happy to see all of us, right?”

She felt Isabela grab her hand, and this not in her usual soft way. It hurt, the pirate grabbing and squeezing it hard at the same time. “Kitten, please, let Anders finish.” Isabela’s expression was all seriousness when she looked at Anders, “What’s the deal?”, she asked.  
The mage sighed “She isn’t waking up and neither I nor Justice have an idea why that could be. Although…”

Isabela squeezed Merrill’s hand even harder but the elf was too shy to tell her that she should stop that. While the rest of the lady pirate’s body seemed to be relaxed the squeezing of Merrill’s hand was nothing but stiff and desperate. 

“Justice says that something is odd around her room.”, he shrugged, “But I didn’t notice anything. Maybe she just needs some sleep but maybe…it will be a state that lasts longer.”

A heavy silence descended on the room. All of them had been worried about Hawke but there had been hope that Anders could just fix her wounds and that everything would be alright again – at least Merrill had felt like this. That was what happened every time – Anders could fix it. This time it was different.

“How long exactly?”, inquired Aveline in a controlled voice.  
“I…I have no idea.” He couldn’t even bear to look at them. Merrill didn’t understand, but she realized Hawke being asleep meant something bad since she heard Isabela curse again. 

“We should stay with her for now. Maybe even all of us for this night and the one after that.”

“You mean if she were still asleep”, Isabela interrupted, finally letting go of Merrill’s hand. The lady pirate stood up, walking towards Hawke’s room. Slowly she lay a hand on the door, looked inside the room where Hawke was sleeping. All of a sudden she seemed so vulnerable to Merrill. Normally her hips were swaying when she walked and it seemed to Merrill that Isabela was dancing a dance only she knew the steps to. She usually smiled, winked at others and seemed so in her element while doing that – if Merrill were to try it, she would feel rather strange.

But now Isabela’s movements were careful and silent. Her shoulders suddenly seemed as small as her own and her body as breakable as a leaf from a tree in spring.   
“ **If** Hawke is still asleep by tomorrow, we will find a way so someone can stay with her. She is not the type who likes to be alone. She’s also not the type to stay in bed for long, even when she’s injured.” With that the pirate entered the Champion’s room.

“Rivaini really is something else.” Varric chuckled, “Of course I knew she would come back to Hawke…just what a good story needs, right? And you, Blondie, don’t need to make a face like this. You’ve done a good job. You’ve kept her alive.”

This seemed to be a signal for the rest of the party to follow Isabela. Merrill and the others found her sitting on a stool next to a desk. Aveline and Varric rushed forward to see Hawke, while Merrill sat down next to her pirate friend.

“Don’t worry about me, kitten. I’m alright. Just need to catch my breath.  
And so does Hawke.”


	2. Rethadahl

Hawke didn’t wake up. She just kept sleeping and that confused Merrill. Today, a week after Anders had treated Hawke, it was Merrill’s turn to watch over her. The Dalish had begun watering the plants of the Champion when she arrived at the Mansion. Bodahn and Sandal had gone shopping and Orana had gone with them. So it was her all alone in that house.

She hadn’t talked to anyone about the young man she had seen while Hawke had been fighting the Arishok. It all had seemed so weird.  
The taste of Lyrium on her lips, the scent of home…she’d been so worried, maybe she had just imagined it. Talking about it wouldn’t help because no one but Hawke really understood what she meant. Anders and Fenris weren’t really nice to her, Aveline and Varric were helping organizing Kirkwall since the Qunari Massacre had of course left its marks, Sebastian was trying to contact Bethany and Isabela was getting drunk at the Hanged Man and didn’t seem in the mood for company. So she was left to her own devices and couldn’t stop thinking about the mysterious figure.

When she entered Hawke’s room she felt awkward, watching the Champion being so still and pale. Hawke loved to go outside. She had told her that when they where wandering through the mines of the Bone Pit. Being inside always drove Hawke insane and this seemed to have increased since she had been to the Deep Roads – but who could blame her for that? 

“Aneth ara, Hawke”, she began and slowly sat down next to her. Her short black hair wasn’t as messy as usual and there was no smile on Hawke’s face. No little laugh. Just silence.

“It’s me. Merrill. I mean it is always me since I’m not Anders and I’ve never heard Justice talk before but…” she cleared her throat realizing that she was babbling again, “I just wanted to check up on you.  
All of us are really worried about you. You can’t see it right now but Aveline and I have brought some Marigolds because she said it would make you happy. I would have gone for tulips but there are no tulips so…”

She realized how hard it felt to speak to her friend. It felt like she was saying goodbye, but she didn’t want to do that. Hawke wasn’t dying. She was just asleep, just about to wake up, so why did Merrill feel such a pain in her heart while talking to her? “H-hawke, we miss you. We need you. I need you, Isabela needs you. And we don’t know what to do without you, so please wake-”

_There it was again. The taste of Lyrium but…_

She suddenly realized why she felt so awkward in Hawke’s room. It had the same scent she smelled at the fight with the Arishok. A chill crept over her skin, something was tingling on her neck. Someone was watching her. She wasn’t alone in this room. Merrill reached for the Dar’Misu she carried with her for fighting and turned around, only to see the man standing in front of her, pointing his sword at her. 

He wore the same simple clothes he had worn when she had seen him last. Was this blood on his white shirt? He didn’t seem to be injured, no, he seemed to feel perfectly well enough to take a step towards her. Now that he was so close she could see his face clearly. There was a strong resemblance to Hawke, the same long nose, the same thick, black hair and the same blue eyes that Merrill liked so much. 

“Who are you?”, she whispered, grabbing her dagger a bit tighter. She hadn’t heard him approach so how did he get there? “What are you doing here?”

“Stay away from her.” He just answered and took another a step towards her, “What do you want with this dagger, elf? If you are trying to hurt her, then-”

“So you are protecting her?” Merrill lowered her weapon. She had seen him stabilizing Hawke once and was sure he would do the same again. He seemed to be some kind of spirit and spirits helped people. Most of them did, Merrill knew that.

“I’ve seen you before. You were there when she fought that Qunari. You didn’t help her.” He shook his head in disapproval, the blue in his eyes becoming brighter, “You just stood there and watched.”

“We were not allowed to join the fight. We would have but-”, she chose her words carefully. How was he even able to be here? How did he get the power to stand right before her so she could almost feel the blade on her skin? She didn’t understand. 

“But I was faster than you. Of course I was since no one of you is capable of anything.” He shook his head again and lowered his weapon, “But I saw you and Aveline talk to each other. I saw how you two, that pirate and the other elf rushed off to carry Marian home. You helped her in the end. After _I _saved her.” The expression on his face hardened, and even though he had lowered the sword his grip around it tightened.__

__“I’m Merrill…”, she introduced herself and slowly tried to establish eye contact. The stranger seemed troubled. And if it was a spirit, as she suspected, she needed to pay attention to every detail she could find. Keeper Marethari had trained her well and the Dalish elf remembered every single bit of it. “What is your name?”_ _

__“Don’t pretend like you actually care. _No one cares about that_.” he whispered with a quiet voice, “But since you probably won’t stop asking about this, I am Carver.”_ _

__Carver? She knew that name but she couldn’t recall where she had heard it. Was it the name of a person she knew back in Ferelden? Someone she had encountered while travelling with Hawke? Merrill realized that he was frowning at her, probably because she didn’t reply anything considering his name. He almost seemed disappointed.  
“Where is Bethany? Why wasn’t she here with you? I’ve seen all different kinds of people talking to her – Aveline, you, the male elf, a handsome woman, a dwarf, a priest and…w-ell, there was this mage.”, he looked around, seemed almost worried about that, “The mage is different. He hasn’t seen me yet and still…he sensed me.”_ _

__He was talking about Anders and certainly this explained what the healer had stated before. The odd thing about Hawke’s room was Carver’s presence. And since the scent was the same and he probably had used a mana potion in order to guarantee the healing of Hawke’s wounds he hadn’t tasted the Lyrium as she did right now.  
“Bethany is in the Gallows. She had to join the Circle.”_ _

__“Maker, dammit!”, he cursed, “What the hell have you been doing? Finding pants for people who have lost them? What has Marian been doing to let such idiocy happen!?” Merrill took a step back, watching the troubled expression in his eyes. This spirit was filled with emotion. While he first seemed so cocky and full of himself now he was full of panic and worry instead. “It is all your fault tha-“_ _

__He stopped and looked at her, realizing he scared her with his outburst of anger. Merrill had grabbed the back of Hawke’s bed, staring at him with her bright green eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you but…just look at this mess! Marian wounded, Bethany in the Circle…this is a disaster.” Carver sat down and ran a hand through his black hair before suddenly straightening his back._ _

__“Someone is here. I…I have to go.” With that he faced her again. The cocky attitude returned to his facial expression “We’ll talk later. You have a lot to explain to me.” Merrill blinked and with that Carver was just gone. It was like the last time – if she hadn’t been so sure that she had just talked to him it could have all been a dream._ _

___“Daisy.”_  
She turned around, almost screamed in surprise since she hadn’t been aware that Varric had entered the room.   
“I had some time to spare and thought I’d come over and tell you and a Hawke a story but…  
Are you alright? You look like you have seen a ghost.”  
Well…she actually might have. 

__-_ _

__Merrill couldn’t find any sleep that night. She had cooked dinner twice, fed the rats, cleaned her house and was now sitting in front of the Eluvian, cleaning it, too. The Eluvian was one of the topics which Hawke and she avoided talking about. Hawke accepted that Merrill wanted to restore the past the Dalish had lost, but she always protested against the usage of blood magic. What would Merrill give now for a lecture of her friend…as long as Hawke would open her eyes again it would be alright with her. Merrill looked at her reflection in the mirror. She was even paler than usual and it was easy to see that she suffered along with her dear friend._ _

__This Carver was right. It was him who had saved her and not Merrill or the others, therefore it was her fault that Hawke was so badly injured. If only she could have stopped the Champion from accepting the duel with the Arishok – they had defeated a dragon together so how tough could those Qunari be? Instead Merrill had agreed to let her friend fight alone and now regretted it deeply._ _

__“By the dread wolf, what a horrible week.” She sighed, leaning her head against a repaired part of the mirror. “Creators, it shouldn’t be like this.”_ _

__She felt how her vision got blurry and bravely fought the tears. Marian wouldn’t want her to cry. Instead she cleared her throat, which had a distinctly male echo. She wasn’t surprised when Carver appeared next to her in the blink of an eye._ _

__He was sitting on her favourite chair, the one that was not broken, holding his sword in one hand, while the other one rested on his knee. He seemed to have calmed down a bit, although his sapphire eyes were still full of emotion. “Are you crying?”, he asked, raising an eyebrow in question. She shook her head.  
“When my younger sister cried I used to…oh...doesn’t matter.” He suddenly seemed very embarrassed, so Merrill didn’t ask him what he actually did. She still hadn’t figured out what exactly he was. Maybe a ghost, but why would he seek Hawke’s and now her company? And if he was a spirit what exactly did he represent? _ _

___“What was your sister like?” she asked and received a very annoyed glare from him._  
“You do know my sister. Actually you know my **sisters**. Marian and Bethany.” He placed his sword on her table and snorted, “Did none of them mention me?”  
Actually they did. Bethany had mentioned him far more often than her older sister, openly blaming herself for his death…and Marian secretly blamed herself, too. So Carver was a ghost after all. “They really…didn’t? It seems I really did get forgotten. Almost like Dad.”   
And it seemed he was aware of the fact. 

___“They talk about you. Not much but they miss you. And your mother talked about you very much.” She gave him a friendly smile and carefully placed herself next to him on another chair. “About how good you were with your sword, better than all the other man and that you always showed it off to the girls  
And Hawke said something about your performance with it that was quite unique! And that it was even better after you polished it. Also she explained that you lacked flexibility but had quite the reach and-”  
She noticed him blushing and avoiding looking at her, which made her giggle insecurely. “I am sorry. Did I say something dirty? Because I never realize when I say something like this though I would like to.”_

__The expression on his face was hilarious; she had never seen such a funny face before. Both of his eyebrows were raised a bit, while his mouth was opened slightly, his eyes looking at her in a way that told her she’d caught him off guard and overall his cheeks were as red as the wine Fenris loved to drink. “W-well, it is good to know that they praise me at least.”_ _

__Merrill decided not to tell him how often his sister wished he hadn’t been so stupid on their escape from Lothering and that this might have been the reason why he died. She didn’t want to upset him again, especially not after she had made him blush that much.  
“Merrill. That’s your name, right?”, he asked carefully while he tried to calm down a bit. It felt good to talk. To him it seemed like it had been ages since he last talked to another person._ _

__Had it been? He couldn’t remember all the things that happened after they had encountered the ogre. After his death his memories had gone all blurry. He remembered his mother’s laugh and his sisters’ smiles, most of the things that he’d also remembered when he was alive but… sometimes things just began to slip away from his mind. Only tiny parts like where he was or what exactly he had wanted to do. The only thing always present was his anger at the others for failing to save his sisters.  
He would have done much better._ _

__“Do you know why…why you seem to be the only person that talks to me?”  
She lifted her head a bit and gave him an uncertain smile. She seemed tired and he could understand that. Her house was not in good shape and when she wasn’t with Marian she seemed to be around here, probably to keep everything tidy._ _

__“So there is no one else that talks to you?”_ _

__“I don’t know.” He realized that he was breathing a bit heavier than before; a soft weight seemed to push against his chest. Did his heart hurt? How could it even hurt now, with him being dead? “I don’t remember other people talking to me besides you. Maybe they don’t see me. It wouldn’t be illogical. Being dead and stuff…”  
Merrill seemed uneasy about his statement. He saw her glance over to that gigantic mirror of hers that was almost next to him. She hugged herself, pressing her arms around those fragile shoulders of hers. “I’m a blood mage. I’ve dealt with spirits like you before.”_ _

__His father had told him about blood mages very often. How they succumbed to the temptations of demons and used blood in order to cast the most horrific spells that existed. While he knew that Bethany could never do such a thing, it shocked him to see that someone like Merrill, who seemed to be a very friendly girl, was able to accept the offers of a demon. He still understood why Marian liked the elven mage. Carver had seen Merrill’s kindness, had heard how much she grieved over the coma of her sister. She was a good person, but that didn’t fit with his image of a blood mage._ _

__“Spirits like me? So I am a demon or what?”_ _

__“No!” She almost jumped to her feet, taking a step closer to him. “A spirit or some kind of ghost. Something good that wants to help, I’m sure of that. The thing that amazes me is that I can see you even though we are not in the fade. How do you do that?”_ _

__Carver sighed. _If I knew that I wouldn’t be asking you_. “I don’t know. I just…do it. I don’t even know how I got here. I know when I have to leave and then I’m…somewhere else.”_ _

__Merrill chuckled and put her hand on his shoulder –or at least she tried to. To her Carver looked just like a normal human. Now that she tried to touch him, her hand just slipped through his body. Merrill’s hand started to feel cold immediately, the lyrium in her veins all started to tickle at the places that had ‘touched’ Carver’s body. She took a step back._ _

__“I’m sorry, that must have been very rude, I didn’t know I couldn’t do that! And now I’m babbling because I have no idea if you are angry or not and I really did not want to insult you so I-”_ _

__“It is alright”, he interrupted her, his voice slightly cracking while speaking. While one of his hands had grabbed his sword, the other one was pressed tightly against his chest. “You don’t need to apologize, Merrill.” With this he slowly got up and gave her a weak smile, “I think I should better be going.”_ _

__The Dalish was ashamed of herself. She had hurt him. Right now he just looked like a kicked puppy, the light in his eyes had vanished and the smile on his face had become all lonely and desperate._ _

___“Wait!”, she cried out, “How about you visit me another day? Both of us could look after Hawke. I’m sure she would be happy to see you.”  
One moment she was afraid that he wouldn’t answer at all. In fact his smile got even lonelier but his voice changed into a very soft whisper.  
“I’d like that.”_

__-_ _

__Carver slowly sank onto his feet. He was surrounded by fog, an empty landscape that seemed dead to him was where he found himself. He always retreated back to this place. It reminded him of the scene of his death. Trees that seemed to reach out for him and hold him back, not one single green plant but just ashes and dust – that’s what he saw. The place where Merrill had touched him still felt warm. It was like an enormous heat had begun to spread from his chest but now it was slowly fading. He was…pathetic._ _

__A Hawke is never pathetic. A Hawke must be strong. I’m the only man left in the family…I have to protect them since those retards don’t seem to be able to do that.  
Carver ran his hand through his hair while he pressed the other one against the warm spot. It felt good, all warm and caring. It was a welcome contrast to the constant anger that filled his heart. _ _

__The fog became thicker when he felt the hatred against those useless people that called themselves his sister’s companions piling up again. What kind of friends were they, when Marian was now unconscious and slowly healing from a battle she was forced to fight on her own? What kind of friends were they, when they had failed to protect Bethany?_ _

__His twin was in the Circle now, caged. She had told him very often that she wouldn’t mind being in the Circle if that meant for her to not be a burden to his family, but Carver had been against it and forced her no to tell anyone else about these wishes. Bethany had loved the sun and nature. He had wanted to be the one that protected her, something he was good at._ _

__It was the same with his mother who had always been so gentle with him. Whenever he scraped his knees his mother would just laugh about it and take care of the wound. When his father died he had sworn to himself to protect her._ _

__And now? She was nowhere to be seen. The estate in which his older sister was living seemed only to belong to her and Merrill had used the past tense when she spoke about his mother.  
“Something happened to you as well, mother…”_ _

__He cared much for his mother. Every boy did. The thought of her being dead was unbearable, especially since he was dead, too, but hadn’t met anyone else in the afterlife. Bethany had always told him that after death they would be at their father’s side again. Marian believed that you went to a happy place when you died after having a hard live.  
But this place wasn’t happy. It was horrifying with the dying trees, the smell of rotten flesh and blood surrounding him everywhere he went. A cold wind was blowing around him and he felt someone slowly caressing his back._ _

___“ _It’s so sad, isn’t it?_ ”, a young woman’s voice whispered to him “ _Mother and Father away, your sisters in a state worse than death…  
And you?  
You can’t do anything. Just watching those little girls wither away like flowers after a very warm summer._”_

__Carver had become used to this voice. She was always here, when he entered this place. Talking about the things he did wrong, about the things he could have done better. He called her ‘Guilt’, for it was what he felt when he heard her voice. Guilt and rage._ _

__“ _It is always the same, isn’t it? Marian is saving everyone and you get left behind – in the shadows. It is not even her fault but yours, Carver. It is your fault things are going terribly wrong since you aren’t by her side._ ”_ _

__“Stop it”, he whispered, watching in horror how the fog around him got thicker and deeper. How could he feel trapped when he was out in the open?_ _

__“ _You could so something, right? Usually the Hawkes can always do something. You can make the people who let your sister down pay.  
This will make you pay your debt. Carver – the Hero, the most heroic Hawke of all times._”_ _

__Lately the voice had started to propose these things, tempting him with offers of a better future. She made him reconsider many things, made him regret even more what he had done wrong and encouraged him to stand up and do something. Even if he sometimes asked himself if he should trust her he still listened. There had never been a way to block her out._ _

__He was forced to hear every word she said – and so he did._ _

___-  
He appeared in her house very often after that conversation. Merrill thought of him as a very friendly person. She told him about their adventures, about Varric and the others. Most of the time he just listened, which surprised her great a deal – normally people shut her up or ignored her when she inevitably lost herself in details.  
“What happened then?”, was the only question Carver asked. And Merrill was glad to answer._

___“Hawke was suddenly screaming ‘There is a fire on the other side of this road! Run before it spreads! Can’t you hear the screaming? Are you deaf?’. I suddenly was very confused because… why should we steal something, when we could help children instead!”  
Carver’s lips curled into a smile, while he was making himself comfortable on the chair where he had sat down the first night he had visited her. It had become his chair, one that was almost broken, made of oak wood.   
“So I asked ‘Is there really a fire, Hawke?’ Marian just turned around, sighed and then she explained it to me: ‘No, Merrill, it is a trick.’ Of course I told her it was very clever but the guards seemed to have noticed that we were trying to fool them.”_

__He chuckled in delight, leaning at more towards her, while she was preparing tea for herself. They had found out a few things about Carver’s state. He was only seen by her, since Aveline hadn’t reacted to his presence when she had visited her a week ago. He was not able to eat and drink and couldn’t interact with objects. He could interact with people on the other hand, which was proved by the fact that he had helped Marian and that while he was not able to touch Merrill he still could feel her warmth at the places she tried to touch._ _

__“You took good care of her.”_ _

__“No, it is actually her taking care of me. Without your sister I wouldn’t have been able to be the person I am now. She is strong.”_ _

__“She always has been.” The smile on his lips lost it’s ease, turning into a bitter grimace. “Even back home in Lothering. She was the one looking out for us since she was the oldest. Mother always wanted her to protect Beth and me from all kind of things.”_ _

__Usually he didn’t talk about himself. He didn’t like it. But now and then he would give her one tiny piece of information about himself that would bring them closer. Merrill had learned to love these moments when they were just sitting here, at her table and talking. She sought comfort in those talks since Carver’s way of handling Hawke being in a coma was different from the others. Sebastian prayed almost everyday, while Isabela sneaked into Hawke’s bedroom once or twice a day, Varric, Aveline and Anders tried to work in order to calm down and Fenris was even more broody than usual. Carver listened to her telling stories about their adventures and left afterwards, assuring her that Hawke would wake up again soon since she always had found a way to get out of trouble – even if it would be her own coma._ _

__“Once I got beat up by three guys. I was fifteen at that time. I came home with a black eye and several bruises and while mother, father and Bethany got all worried, Marian just left the house. I don’t know what she did but since then those three never approached me again.”_ _

__“So that’s basically what the essence of her is? Looking out for people?”_ _

__He reached out for her, placing his palm softly on her cheek. Merrill was confused about this gesture, feeling the cold on her cheek. “It’s what we Hawkes do. We protect the people we cherish.”_ _

__“Actually, I thought about doing something, too.” She smiled, not pushing his hand away. “You know that I’m a blood mage, right?”_ _

__He withdrew his hand, a shimmer of scepticism becoming visible in his sapphire eyes. “I know but…why are you telling me this?”_ _

__Carver’s attitude towards magic was strange. She knew he wasn’t in favour of locking people up in a circle but he once had told her that he understood very well why people feared magic. His father had been a wonderful mage and he had loved to watch him and his twin sister train at the fireplace in their farmhouse, back in Lothering. But when he realized that his tiny sister was able to set their whole home on fire he had felt powerless. He had told her that, if he had continued living, he would have considered being a templar._ _

__“There is a ritual about entering a person’s dreams. Since Marian is asleep I suggested to Isabela that we’d try to do something, to follow her into her dreams, the Fade itself. You and I have never considered that you could enter her dreams as well. So the three of us could maybe talk to her and find out what is wrong.”  
He was speechless. On the one hand this made sense to him, on the other hand he just felt so stupid for not having thought of it before. Merrill and he had met exactly three months ago. It had taken them three months to figure it out while his older sister was suffering._ _

__“Do you think this is going to work, Merrill? Is this really a way to save her?”_ _

__The Dalish smiled at him in the kind way she always did. “It may be worth a try.”_ _

__-_ _

__Once again he had come back to the foggy place. And once again Guilt was talking to him. Her voice wasn’t a whisper anymore; he could hear her clearly in his head, stating facts that he was only just able to accept in his darkest hours…like now._ _

__“ _You are sad, aren’t you? When your sister gets back, Merrill won’t need you anymore.  
You are going to be the useless Carver Hawke, like you’ve always been._”_ _

__He didn’t want to hear it. Covering his ears Carver sank down next to a dead tree, trying to block out her voice._ _

___“ _It was always Marian. She was always the one shining, the one drawing people close to her. The responsible one, the strong one – you have seen what a great deal of trust people put in her. It is the only thing you and Merrill ever talk about.  
You should have been a hero yourself, Carver, but again you are disappearing in her shadow. And who knows?  
Now that you are dead you might vanish once and for all? That would be the most logical conclusion, wouldn’t it? You died alone._”_

__The voice was now screaming at him, it had lost the warm, motherly tone it had usually, but Carver found himself listening to it even more._ _

__“ _You’ll stay alone._ ”_ _

__“But I-“, he stopped himself from answering. He had never answered to the voice before, just listened to it, while he always felt the last bits of warmth were disappearing from his chest. Right now he felt ice cold._ _

__The tree behind him began to bloom again. In shock, he stood up and stumbled a few steps away from it, while the once died out place began to flourish – step by step. The grass under his feet grew and while the fog slowly vanished a silhouette of a young woman became visible to him. She was lying on the ground, tangled in flowers like a corpse at a funeral. The clouds from the sky disappeared, while the sun was shining at the woman’s face.  
Short black hair, pale skin, her eyes closed like she was sleeping, war paint over her face._ _

__“Marian…you are here?”_ _

__Guilt chuckled behind him, “ _She is and yet she is not._ ” When he turned around he couldn’t see anyone. It was just him and his comatose sister._ _

___“ _You’ve already realized it yourself…it is your fault, Carver. You are the reason she is still here. And you can keep her here.  
When Bethany turned herself in to the Circle, the name Hawke wasn’t part of her anymore. Marian was the only one carrying your name. There can only be one Hawke in Kirkwall.  
But you could be the Hawke as well. Staying in Kirkwall, being alive again. Pay for your faults. That sounds appealing, doesn’t it?_”_

___Was it really guilt, what he felt? He didn’t know. But he knew that this was his chance to be alive again. Worried, he looked at his sister, who seemed so breakable at this moment that it hurt. Marian and breakable? She had been fighting when he saw her the last time, fighting a Qunari without any signs of hesitation.  
How was he supposed to decide if it was her turn to exist or his?  
He didn’t know._

__-_ _

__Everything had been prepared. While she had collected several plants and roots, Isabela had taken care of the rather…difficult ingredients they had needed to create a paste which she was now applying around the bed in which Hawke was sleeping._ _

__Isabela was sitting on Hawke’s bed, playing with one of her daggers as she stared at the Champion’s face. She had rings under her eyes and even lost a bit weight, which worried Merrill a great deal. Isabela was still making jokes of course, but her humour wasn’t as sharp and cunning as before._ _

__“Kitten, what are you waiting for?”_ _

__Actually, she was waiting for Carver. Since she had told him about the ritual he hadn’t shown up. She had waited three entire days until she had begun to create the paste. Normally Carver visited her every day so his disappearance was more than unusual._ _

__“Err…nothing, really Isabela. I’m just a bit nervous though. Hawke isn’t exactly in favour of blood magic.”_ _

___The lady pirate gave her a cheeky smile and patted her had like she was a dog, “Don’t worry about that. This is why we didn’t tell anyone besides Varric.  
“You know how sulky everyone gets about this issue – Aveline would just give us a ‘judging you’-face and Sebastian, Anders and Fenris would unite in order to stop us – it would be very romantic but right now this is not my kind of thing.” She winked at her and stepped down from the bed, placing herself next to her on the floor, “This is why we make a girls-only thing out of it. Even though I am not okay with blood magic itself.  
If it saves Hawke, it works for me. She has been like this for way too long.” _

__Merrill returned the Rivaini’s smile and continued applying the paste to the floor. She had begun to draw several Vallaslin symbols on the ground, symbols that stood for age, for power and for love. Carefully, she drew her Dar Misu and stepped in the middle of the circle of symbols, while she made sure with her other hand, that her staff was positioned close enough on her back._ _

__“What is going to happen now, kitten?”, Isabela asked._ _

__“I’ll start the ritual. These symbols represent certain aspects of life. The tree for example stands for eternity, safety and balance since it blooms both in young and old days. The symbol there, in the back, represents connection – in heart and in soul, such as you find in love and friendship. If everything works as we predicted we are going to be in the Fade.”_ _

__The pirate hesitantly put a hand on Merrill’s shoulder. “Thanks for trying, Merrill. Even if this doesn’t work out...I appreciate it.”_ _

__The elf nodded and focused on the dagger in her hands. With a skilled movement, she ran it across her arm, fighting the pain that she immediately felt. Yet, she concentrated, using her mana and the power her own blood gave her in order to cast the spell, whispering the words she’d learned by heart. The symbols around her began to glow in a dark, red light. Isabela took a step closer to her, while the wooden ground below them slowly began to disappear. It seemed like nature itself was invading the room, reaching out for her as grass began to grow under her feet. She felt wind blow through her hair, closed her eyes in order to not lose concentration. The wind lost its power a few minutes later which told her that she had finished casting the spell._ _

__When she opened her eyes she wasn’t in Hawke’s room anymore._ _

__“Where are we?” Isabela asked, watching in amazement the green grass on which they were standing. This place looked peaceful. A small village with a few houses, a church, a tavern but mostly farms was the illusion the Fade showed them._ _

__They could hear children laughing although no one but them was to be seen. Merrill could smell Carver’s scent – lyrium and blackberries- almost everywhere. She grabbed her staff a bit more tightly, realizing in shock what this place was supposed to be._ _

__“Lothering. This is Lothering.”_ _

__“Marian’s home?”, the lady-pirate asked sceptically, not letting go of either of her daggers. Her last adventure in the Fade had taught her to be careful, “I thought it had been destroyed. Is this another kind of these manipulations?”_ _

__The both of them walked a bit faster, looking for any clues how to find Hawke. While walking she herself bandaged her left arm.  
“Since we are in Hawke’s mind this is probably just a dream”, Merrill suggested. “I dream very often of home. My clan and I were near Lothering once, this is why I can recall how this place looks.”_ _

__Isabela shrugged. “As long as we find her soon, it’s okay with me. There is not one single person here.”_ _

__They searched the village for Marian. Never before had the Fade seemed so immense to her. Mages were able to keep their conscience while here, but Merrill never left the place where she was in her dreams. She liked it there._ _

__Marian hadn’t considered her as a good companion for saving Feynriel, but Isabela had told her afterwards that Hawke got betrayed by her companions in there. All in all it seemed yet ironic that they returned to this place of betrayal in order to save their friend._ _

__The landscape itself never changed. Everything looked like a very sunny day in spring; she was even tempted to take off her scarf because it was so warm. This place almost felt like home, if it weren’t for her awareness of this being only an illusion.  
They came across another farm house. While the environment around it seemed as real to them as before, they realized that around the house the grass even looked greener and that even flowers were growing there. _ _

__Carefully they opened the door and entered a small living room. There was a fireplace in which a soup was boiling; several books were lying on the table next to five plates and cups. While Isabela went up the stairs in order to check the room above them, Merrill went closer to the dining table, inspecting the covers of the books. They were about magic, probably books that young mages had to study before they started to cast their spells. The place looked like the owner of it could come back anytime, but Merrill knew that wasn’t the case._ _

___On the floor there lay two wooden swords, both of them with the name Hawke carved in. They had come to the right place.  
Just in that moment Isabela came back, “Kitten, the bedroom belongs to a family. But the strange thing is that there are some things Hawke brought with her from Ferelden. There is her diary, this armour she refuses to sell - all of it.  
I think this is-”_

__“Hawke’s house”, Merrill finished, pointing at the wooden swords on the ground. “She must have lived here before they ran away. The details are much more included in it, she must be nearby.”_ _

__Isabela nodded, opening the door that probably led to the backyard. She felt her heart pound in her chest stronger than before, knowing that Hawke’s suffering would finally come to an end. The garden seemed the most detailed part in this dream. There were several vegetables planted near the entrance to the house, carrots and tomatoes and a few potatoes that you could easily harvest. A gigantic tree was standing in the backyard, a swing bound to one of its limbs. Someone was lying next to the tree, covered in white flowers that seemed to be lilies. Isabela rushed forward, ignoring Merrill who begged her to wait. She just wanted to find Hawke, somehow get her out of here and afterwards have all the sex that she hadn’t had the last three months (which felt more like three years to her) Hawke had been unconscious. Seeing this as step one of her plan, she didn’t care about the dangers of the Fade anymore._ _

__It was in fact Hawke, but the state she was in here didn’t differ from the state she was in at Kirkwall. She wore the armour she had worn in the fight against the Arishok, the war paint on her face still looked fresh, but her cheeks were pale and sunken. Isabela kneeled down next to her, carefully touching Hawke’s forehead. Ice cold, like the one of a corpse._ _

__Merrill had reached them by now. “Is she alright?”, she asked in worry._ _

__Isabela held her fingers in front of Hawke’s face, realizing that she was still breathing. “She is alive, but I don’t know how long she’ll manage. What has happened to her?”  
Merrill sat down next to them. While normally the elf seemed so childlike and lost in thought, her facial expression was now determined and focussed. “Something keeps her here. Look at the lilies; they seem to be pressing her to the ground. There is so much Mana around here; I can almost feel it pulsing.”_ _

__“Maybe it is not something, but someone”, Isabela suggested. She moved Backstabber with a skilful gesture closer to Hawke, attempting to cut one of the lilies._ _

__“D-don’t do that! We can’t guarantee that this will improve her condition, maybe it will just get worse if we do that!”_ _

__“But if we don’t try, nothing will change, kitten. We cannot just leave Hawke here. We have to do something!”  
Suddenly they heard a loud cracking noise around them. Merrill grabbed her staff and got to her feet as fast as she could when Carver approached them. At first she wanted to run over to him, to embrace him and tell him she was so happy to see him again, but then she recognized that something was wrong with him. He held his sword in his right hand, almost clinging to it, and his eyes seemed empty. It reminded her of the templars that had been possessed by demons back when Bethany was still with them. _ _

__“Carver?”, she whispered, drawing Isabela’s attention as well._ _

__“Hawke’s dead brother? Are you sure? He looks nothing like her.”_ _

__Merrill saw how the blue in his eyes got more intense. Obviously he didn’t like being referred to as ‘Hawke’s dead brother’. She hindered Isabela from coming closer to Carver, seeing the suffering and the despair that made the young man pale even more. “I didn’t want to die”, he whispered, “I just…wanted to help.”_ _

__Merrill saw in shock what was happening to the grass under his feet. It had lost its green colour and was now brown, the trees near him lost their leaves in a breath and turned into dead stumps, the air filling with the smell of rot._ _

__“So it is you!”, the pirate whispered. “You are the reason why Hawke isn’t waking up! It is all your fault.”_ _

__“No!”, she exclaimed. “Carver is way too nice to do that. He cares about Hawke.” Isabela gave her a hurt look. But she understood. How would she feel if a ghost came up to them and Isabela were all friendly with it. She just wanted to make her friend realize that Carver was not the bad guy…or was he?_ _

__“The voice...it tells me it is either her or me”, he explained, raising his sword in an almost aggressive manner. “It is my fault, Merrill, your friend is right. I am the reason why she isn’t waking up. I am the reason why she is suffering. Just like old times.”_ _

__With that he gave her such a bitter smile that it nearly tore her apart. She wanted to ask him what brought him to this conclusion when he suddenly charged at them. Isabela hurried to the front, sheltering her from his attack, while she tried to dodge it. Carver roared, turning his long sword, now targeting Isabela. With a professional movement, he was able to graze her left leg, she on the other hand missed his face just a bit, scuffing his cheek with her weapon. Merrill herself just watched them in shock as they fought, but then she saw another person in the background. She felt a slight headache, heard whispers all around herself. She didn’t need to take a closer look in order to guess what it was – a demon. As she walked closer, it appeared to be waiting for her, greeting her with a dark smile. This was the voice he mentioned, the voice that was telling him he was at fault. The Dalish Elf attacked with a lightning of Mana, which the demon just countered with a bored gesture before shooting a flame towards her. Trying to dodge it she jumped to the ground, focussing on her staff and pointing it at her opponent. The demon was strong, it had probably become stronger each day Marian had been around it, and now that Carver was succumbing to it as well it seemed to have reached the highest point of its power._ _

__“ _Why don’t you just give up? No matter how much you struggle, in the end it is me who is going to win. You can either free your female friend or allow the ghost boy to exist. But it is either one of them. Together, there is no way how they can exist._ ”  
With that it vanished and reappeared again a bit closer to her, trapping her in a circle of it’s own magic, “ _Unless you’ll make a deal with me. I can sense that you are a blood mage, little one. It wouldn’t be the first time._ ”_ _

__Merrill shook her head, casting a spirit bolt while pointing her staff at the enemy. The demon screamed and vanished from its place…just in order to appear directly next to her._ _

__“ _Then you all are going to die._ ” Merrill tried to turn around, hitting the demon with the top of her staff, when it cast a wave that threw her to the ground. The Dalish tried to get up again, the demon having already raised its claws, readying to cut her throat. Afraid, she pulled her arm in front of her face in order to shield it from the attack, when she heard a familiar scream. Lowering the arm she could see that Carver had jumped between the two of them, now being pierced by its claws. He was looking directly at her, life and worry shimmering in his eyes, his lips forming her name. She trembled as the demon burst out in laughter._ _

__“ _You fool! Dying for a blood mage that has betrayed her friends so often already._ ” _ _

__Carver’s lips curled into a smile.  
“You forgot one tiny detail, ‘Guilt’. I’m already dead.”_ _

__It was then when she saw Isabela’s silhouette behind the demon, cutting its throat as if it were any other street thug. The demon’s laughter turned into a scream as the Fade’s illusion around them slowly began to vanish, leaving them in a place full of emptiness and void. Isabela’s clothes were covered in blood; Carver was kneeling in front of her, scanning her for injuries. Merrill herself burst into tears, covering her face in her hands.  
“Is it over?”, the pirate asked._ _

__Carver’s eyes had begun to shine in an even lighter shade of blue. It reminded the pirate of Lyrium, the same colour Fenris’ fists turned when he was attacking an enemy or Anders’ eyes went when he was possessed by Justice. When Carver got up, he didn’t seem lost like before. He seemed to know what he was doing.  
“Almost.”_ _

__With that he walked over to his sister, placing a hand on her forehead. Again, he smiled. “Sister. all your friends have spoken to you while you were asleep. Bethany cried for you so much that her tears could almost form an ocean. I’m glad to see you’ve found so many friends. I’m glad to see you are not alone in all of this.”  
He sighed, glancing at Merrill for a second, who was still crying._ _

__“You know, I think I understand why you like them. They make you feel like you belong somewhere, make you feel whole, alive. One of them taught me about being a spirit and that’s what I just realized by now. I’m not just some empty ghost, sister. I’m a spirit of protection.”_ _

__When he said that, his hands began to shimmer in the same blue light his eyes did, “I kept you here because I wanted to protect you from all the harm you have to endure all the time. I died protecting mother. I would have died again to protect someone.  
That’s what I’m good at, too. When you always sheltered me, I asked myself…who protects you? Now I have the answer. Your friends. And me of course.”_ _

__He chuckled, leaning down to place a kiss on her forehead. “Stay well, sister. I’ll try to look after you.” With that he stepped back, allowing Hawke to disappear. She would wake up, he was sure about that._ _

__Then he turned to Merrill. Carver pulled her into his arms. Her sobbing hurt more than the strikes of the ogre that killed him. There had never been a person he wanted to keep as close as her. There had never been someone as gentle as her, never ever been someone who was like kindness itself. Carver had always wished to be loved by someone other than his family._ _

__However, now that he had found someone who cherished him, who was willing to save him, he realized that it was better to let this person go. For it was his time to go as well.  
“There isn’t a way, Merrill.”_ _

__Carver felt his voice crack – again. He had cried in front of her once, been all embarrassed about it, trying to hide the tears which hadn’t been manly at all. This time he didn’t care. He loved her and wanted her to see him as he was. Her fingers were clinging to his shirt; he felt her tears slowly soaking the fabric. A glance at his feet showed him that he had to hurry. Where once had been human flesh now was a light shade of blue and the silhouette of his Fereldan boots._ _

__Her shoulders almost seemed to be crushed under the weight of the grief he caused her. It pained him to see her like this. Gently he stroked away some of her braids and kissed her forehead, hoping she would at least listen to him._ _

__“I’ve never been a good person. I was whining and complaining most of the time while I was alive…and continued this even in death. I always thought the things I had done weren’t enough, that I could do more. But with you I feel like it is alright.”_ _

__She looked up, eyes as green as hope itself meeting his. Carefully he caressed her cheek, wiped away one of the warm tears that kept falling. He had always asked himself how the Vallaslin would feel under his fingers, but now he realized he could not feel it at all. Merrill’s skin was soft and smooth. “With you everything is fine. With you it is enough to be Carver Hawke.”_ _

__He bowed down to her and kissed one of the tears that were running down her cheeks. The smile on his lips got warmer with every moment he shared with her. The blue light was now up on his wrist, constantly reminding him that it was their last time together.  
“I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay with me.”_ _

__“I’ll stay with you. You just won’t be able to see me”, he answered with a calmness that surprised himself. “Tell me…what do the Dalish with their dead companions?  
How do they…burry them?”_ _

__This didn’t calm her down at all, he felt that. Yet, she explained._ _

__“We plant a tree. A wonderful, grand tree, for when there is death there will also be life again.” Holding her face in his hands, he carefully bet down, leaning his forehead against hers so that he could still see the forest green of her eyes. “Plant a tree for me. Will you do that, Merrill?”_ _

__He didn’t wait for her to answer but placed his lips against hers instead. It was the last thing he wanted to feel, before he would turn into protection itself. Merrill felt the cold against her lips, lyrium and blackberries…a taste she had experienced before when they first met each other, a taste she would always connect with him. Closing her eyes she leaned in, hugging him. When he broke the kiss, she gave him a warm smile, pulling him into another hug._ _

__“I love you, Carver.”_ _

__The tears on his cheeks didn’t stop flowing. The light had now reached his neck._ _

__“I love you,t-“ He didn’t finish the sentence but she didn’t care. She knew what he wanted to say in her heart._ _


	3. Epilogue

Marian walked through the Planasene Forest, which was located several hours away from Kirkwall. Isabela had suggested making a trip to it, all of them, now that she had ‘reawakened’. She had to admit that she liked the forest and after 3 months of being in a kind of coma, which seemed to her like a long sleep, she enjoyed walking more than before. This night they had put up several tents. Aveline was now preparing the camp fire together with Anders, both of them arguing about the amount of wood they needed. Fenris was sitting an the back, leaning next to a tree, listening to Sebastian who told the story of his first hunt back in Starkhaven. Varric was writing a letter to Bethany, who had of course not been able to come with them.

“Everything alright, sweet cheeks?” Isabela grinned and slapped her bottom without failing to look her over. She had been very attentive, taking care that she rested a bit and stayed in bed and of course paying attention to special wishes Hawke uttered.

“I’m just looking for Merrill. She has been very quiet the last few days and now she is nowhere to be seen. We haven’t lost her, have we?”

Isabela avoided looking at her, scanning the surroundings for a moment, until she grabbed her hand and dragged her in one direction. “She was the one who originally suggested this trip. She had something to do and this seemed like the perfect place for her.”

They stopped about a ten minute walk away from the group, near a small pond. Merrill was kneeling on the ground, having her hands deep in the soil, slowly putting a small tree into it. After that she filled the hole again.

“You wanna talk to her, Hawke?”, Isabela asked. Marian nodded, let go of the pirate’s hand and sat down next to Merrill. 

“Hey…do you need help?”

The Dalish Elf shook her head, completely focused on her task. Hawke saw that her eyes had reddened, she must have cried not too long ago. “I’m planting an oak tree”, she explained, her voice soft and tender. She turned to Marian and gave her a warm smile,  
“They are considered as the wise trees. They can be even older than the oldest elves and they are always watching.”

“Like…a guardian?”

Merrill’s eyes seemed to lighten up a bit at this word. “Yes, like a protector. Keeper Marethari always said that when we are sad and can’t talk to another clan member about it, we could just talk to the trees. They would listen to our sorrow and with their patience and greatness heal our wounds. I really do believe in that.  
They watch over us like no one else. An oak tree would be a Rethadahl. A tree of safety.”

Marian gave her an understanding smile, “I have one question, though. You always give names to your plants back home, you even named mine. What about this one? Does this plant have a name?”

Marian would never forget the look on Merrill’s face. One second she stared at her, shocked, her green eyes widened about that question. Then her cheeks would redden, her eyes light up, while a tear ran down her face. With a smile that was filled with both sorrow and love, the elf answered:

_“Carver.”_


End file.
